Hey look, it’s the first day of NaBloPoMo! Instead of writing a whole new post for the occasion, I’ll publish this old draft I’ve been saving in the hopes I’d someday fill it with more content. That counts, right?

For one of my three part-time jobs, I translate engineering reports into documents that managers and the IRS can read. The firm I work for has many clients, so I get to skip around and see reports from all kinds of industries. Usually I have to Google a few terms of art per report to understand what’s going on; this is the best part of my job. So far I’ve learned a tiny bit about molding plastic parts for car interiors, packaging peanut butter, assembling wooden doors, and a bunch of other fun-sounding things. I try not to burrow too far into Wikipedia, but, you know. Here are some crumbs of knowledge I’ve picked up along the way.

There exists an instrument called a swellometer*, whose name reveals a difference between engineers and physicists, I think. Physicists will go full-on Greek or Latin when they make up names for things; engineers, being more practical, I suppose, aren’t afraid to throw a little Anglo-Saxon into the mix.

An individual stalk of bamboo is called a culm.

There is an engineering unit called pound-force. My physicist’s eye first read this as pounds multiplied by force, which makes little sense because pounds already measure force (weight is the force of gravity pulling you towards the earth). But Wikipedia tells me that no, in engineering-speak, this unit should be read as “pound (the force kind, not the mass kind).” Apparently pounds are sometimes used to measure mass—who knew? Also, how confusing.

Related Wikipedia knowledge: When you use pound to mean force, the preferred unit of mass is the slug. At least it’s consistent: a slug is the mass that a pound of force will accelerate at 1 ft/s^2.

Oh wait it gets better: There’s also an version of the slug that uses inches instead of feet, called . . . wait for it . . . a slinch. Or slugette. I prefer slinch.

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* Upon further research, the swellometer appears not to be a measuring instrument at all, in spite of its name. It’s more like an apparatus that causes wood to swell, after which the swelling is measured by an ordinary micrometer. I’d call that a swellifier. Swellator?

Anyway, you can see why a job like mine exists. Engineers, however rigorous they may be in their measurements and spreadsheets and 3D models, can be a bit imprecise with language.

One and a half more days until I can step back into my online life. Like I said yesterday, if I do this again, I’ll fine-tune it to where I can exercise my self-discipline without becoming an internet hermit.

I guess it’s a lesson in how hooked I am on the instant-gratification, continuously-updated constant flow of information from Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and all that. A minute ago, instead of opening tabs for Facebook and Twitter like I usually do when I turn on my computer, I opened up CNN.com. But the news hasn’t changed much since I last checked it this afternoon, so now I’m here. With nothing to say.

Yesterday I tried reading some of the featured articles on Wikipedia so that I could read SOMETHING online that wasn’t “prohibited.” I don’t remember what happened next, but I know I didn’t get very far, which is weird because you know how Wikipedia is. If you try to find one little thing for an assignment you’re working on, you’ll be there for hours. Apparently, though, if you set out TRYING to spend time on Wikipedia, nothing grabs your attention.

In other news, my foot still hurts about as much as it did yesterday. Looks like it’s sensible shoes for the rest of the week. Gotta keep this puppy fresh for Hidalgo: four shows in two days, for a total of five hours of performance time. Yowza.

Gah, I’m sure the rest of the world is talking about so many fun things in my absence. Thirty-eight more hours!

1. Wikipedia has a category titled “Fictional chameleons and geckos.” There are four; dollars to donuts you can’t name any of the other three. And no, Karma Chameleon didn’t make the cut.

2. Yesterday I passed a Schepps-branded eighteen-wheeler on the freeway. Is there a widely recognized trucker signal for “A steady stream of milk is pouring out the back of your trailer”? I couldn’t think of one, so I drove on. It was milk, after all, not jet fuel, and even if he did find out I don’t imagine there was much he could’ve done at that point.

3. Have you seen the “Caves” segment of Planet Earth? Those people who base-jump hundreds of meters into underground caves are insane. See also, underwater cave divers.

4. Chocolate smoothie with fresh banana? Darn tasty.