Paragraphs are overrated*.

1. This morning I finished a tub of chocolate icing, closed it, and left it on the coffee table. When I got back from tutoring this afternoon, I found the tub on the floor, chewed open and licked clean, next to a mangled pair of sunglasses and an untouched rawhide chew. As of this writing the puppy lives, so I’m assuming he didn’t eat enough chocolate to do any serious damage.
2. I was feeling tired and grumpy around dinnertime tonight, so naturally I cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, did a load of laundry, and took out the trash, thus concentrating all my grumpiness into one evening and saving the fun things for when I’m actually awake enough to enjoy them. I didn’t plan it that way, but I think it’s clever. From now on I’ll do this on purpose.
3. Sometime before class on Friday I lost my Latin book. I scoured the apartment for a whole thirty seconds but came up empty-handed. I just found it . . . in a stack of books holding up the right end of my keyboard.
4. I estimate that it will be pool weather in about a week, but I refuse to turn on the air conditioning in my apartment. It’s hottt in here. I leave the patio door open and the fan on when I’m home, and the fresh air is lovely. Right now Sammy’s splayed out on the tile where it’s cooler. But don’t worry about him—he gets ice cubes whenever (1) Mommy is in the kitchen and (2) Sammy is adorable.
5. Do I throw commas around with reckless abandon**? I’ve gone back and removed from this post several that seemed superfluous. You’d tell me if you thought I had a comma problem, wouldn’t you? WOULDN’T YOU?
6. I’ve been jeansless for MONTHS, ever since the crotch of my old favorite jeans shredded itself. This week I finally found a new pair I like: medium blue, slightly worn but not torn up, and like six fingers below my belly button. Call me a skank if you like, but I love me some ultra-lows. These new jeans? They’re not made for sitting, really. It’s a good thing shirts are getting longer. And I know ultra-low-rise jeans are on the way out, but I don’t care because omg hot hot. I’ll wear them until they’re cool again (or at least until I get fat).
7. When I’m scratching Sammy’s belly and he wraps his little paw around my arm . . . oh man, that kills me.
8. Goodness me, this list is getting to be way longer than I’d planned. I was going for short and punchy. Ha.
9. Now that I’m halfway through the 30-day slow-food-only project, it’s become easier to avoid the drive-thrus, which is the outcome I was hoping for. The first few days were painful, but now that I’ve nearly broken the habit I don’t miss it so much. On the other hand, this cupcake-a-day program is becoming a problem. To counteract this, I’m testing out a plan in which I buy icing (see above) at the store and eat that instead of cupcakes. I’m playing my vices against each other, you see. If you disregard my consuming approximately two thousand calories’ worth of icing in the first 36 hours, it’s a brilliant plan.
10. I am a sexy bitch.

That is all. Go back to your cheesy snacks and your television programs.

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* As is the claim “[blank] is overrated.” I saw it on two billboards this morning. One was for a car; the other was for . . . something else, I don’t remember. Extreme hardcore skateboarder juice or somesuch.

** I’ve tried for several minutes to work my clever new coinage ‘commarhea’ into this sentence, but, alas, without success. I can’t decide if it should have one ‘r’ or two.

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