Eager to please
I need to learn to say no. It’s really not all that difficult, I imagine. Par exemple:
“No, I don’t tutor little kids.”
“No, I don’t know a damn thing about the ISEE.”
“No, I’ve never taught fifth graders.”
“No, I am NOT free to schedule a lesson the freaking day after Thanksgiving.”
I have an overwhelming desire to please everyone I meet, even if that means faking a smile, lying, or taking on jobs that stress me out. There’s a tiny voice in my head that tells me that if I don’t agree with every single word that comes out of people’s mouths or jump at any favor they ask of me, they’ll all hate me forever. That voice is being ridiculous, I know, but it keeps me from thinking too hard about anything before blurting out something about omgyesI’dloveto.
I know that most people like to please others, often to their own detriment, but if you know me, you know that I do this sort of thing A LOT. I bet it’s annoying.
I’m sick of stressing myself out unnecessarily. I always feel strong and capable when I bite off way more than I can chew. Everyone is impressed by my supposed multitasking prowess, or at least they pretend to be for a few minutes. When it becomes apparent, however, that I can’t do even half the shit I’ve volunteered myself for…well, that’s actually pretty much my whole life right there. I haven’t lived up to an expectation in years.
Apologies for being all glum and self-flagellant and un-thankful on a holiday. It’s just that I’ve enjoyed my one-day vacation, and I’m disappointed that I have to cut it short unnecessarily as a result of my ********. I wanted to sit around at my parents’ house on their big comfy couch and read a little more, or maybe play another game or two. Grumble.
Maybe I can turn this into some sort of motivation. To be more of a bitch. Or something like that.
Happy Thanksgiving, all.
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* I can’t think of a good synonym for eagerness-to-please. Obsequiousness? Subservience?
